Symptoms of awakening--first time

I have told the story that led to this point in another post. Here I just wanted to focus on what it feels like during the awakening process. So I started to meditate.




Like I mentioned, I was forced by the sensation coming from inside of my body to start meditating. It felt as if I am swirling inward. I walked around with this substantial something (energy)developing in the belly area for 2 months, before I had to finally start the intense meditation.




In the beginning I sat for 25 minutes, quickly, I sat longer and longer until one hour every night. I couldn't wait to sit down and it was so amazing that I wondered why meditation had been so hard for me before. I used to attend paid sessions to learn meditation, but could not get into it at all. This time I just got right into it and do not want to come out.


After about a week or 2, I started to see changes in me.


The following are just some things I can put into words. These lasted for two years and some continue to this day.

1. 1. One day I realized that I became genuinely happy for no reason. I asked myself: why am I so happy? The muscle on my face just felt like to smile all the time. I looked at everything and I felt so much joy in it. It is as if I have been depressed all my life and now start to really feel what living really is.





2. Food become so delicious. I had never know simple food like mushrooms or vegetables taste so good. Prefer vegetables and plants than animal products





3. Intensely focused on tasks.





4. Clarity in thoughts. Seemed to understand how things work with its totality. Seemed to be able to distingush which sentences did not come from the truth of the authors while reading books.





5. Gets very creative all of a sudden and ideas keeps coming. Started to play on the keyboard which I never knew how to play before and composed songs. Even performed in a few community events. Although I played piano, composing and playing keyboard were totally new, coming out of nowhere.





6. Enjoy simple things in life. Smile joyfully and truely on simple things. Being in my own apartment felt totally different from before. It used to look depressing, and then it looked full of warmth and light. I see devinity in everything.





7. I still remember that I was surprised by the fact that I no longer listened to music, even classical music, my favorite, that used to bring me away from the dull moments. All of a sudden, music sounded unmatched to how I felt inside. When I turn on music, I could feel that it is not at the same wave length with my inner state. It interrupts the truest state.


8. Have good control of mind to affect the body, or vice versa. When a coughing sensation, or any type of body sensation arise, I can move my energy and the sensation will go back to normal.


9. When using gem stones, sensing and aware of the energetic effect from the stones right away.


10. I wondered to myself why anything about simple food became such a joy that seemed to fill and nurture my soul and my being!! I started to enjoy watching cooking shows that prepare easy food (not complicated ones.) Watching TV chef chopping, cooking, mixing simple ingredients was so enjoyable. I printed out folders of recipes and tried to make them myself. I also loved to go to events where free food are given out or served, not to comsume them, but just to be there to be among food, atmosphere, and the happy people. I loved to be volunteers to soup kitchens, events to serve food.


11. Likes to organize things and clean up things, in order to gives everything its original glory.




12. Enjoy being in the nature. Enjoy being alone.


13. Genuinely happy, but seemed to have less big laughs. Things that make others laugh out loud do not have the same effect on me. I even felt that I only laughed to a lesser extent!


14. Don;t like to talk too much. Seeing words or language as limiting.


15. Speaking became an inner movement or inner dance. When speaking, especially public speaking, I found myself using the whole body. The whole power and feeling seemed to come from the belly, extending to my upper body, and then coming out from the mouth. It feels as if I was dancing inside. It feels so easy and so sincere and so enjoyable. I wondered why public speaking was so hard before.


16. No more fears--- fear of driving, fear of public speaking, fear of being alone, fear of dying alone, fear of .....


17. Self esteem went from being a door mat to loving myself with God's love


18. I couldn't wait until evening time when I could sat next to my bedroom window to enjoy the night air and sky. I still don't understand why this is. I sat next to the window every night for three four hours, just to admire, or maybe to connect with the outdoor air. I felt renewed, reenergized, touched, moved, full of appreciation, full of joy, sitting in front of the window watching everything outside. (Outside of my window is a parking lot with some tree, across from which is another apartment building about 40, 50 yards away)





19. Old songs and warm memory that I have long forgotten for many years came back to me all of a sudden. So I sang these old lyrics all day long without understanding why. These old songs brought back old memories and in turn made this journey even more healing and one without the difference of time and space. I would be taken back to an old place or old scene in my childhood or teens years or college days, and overwhelmed by the feelings and sensations. It is as if I am mourning all these old feelings, so that I can move on. After a few days, the scene would lose its intensity to me. One by one, I went back to visit the different stages of my life, feeling them, mourning them all over again. After a while, I found that less and less intense memories or feelings show up that way. I found that I completely focus on the life right now.


20. Answer is not important to me anymore. No more questions. It;s not important.


21. 
    When using gem stones, sense and feel the energetic effect from the stones right away.


22. Family and close friends are in my thoughts and heart a lot more. I genuinely care about them a lot more. I would wonder about how they feel about a certain thing. I send prayers to them before I fall asleep. I also send prayers to my deceased father.





23. I see everyone just like me, having a tureself inside. Everyone feels familiar to me. I no longer feel strangers around people. Relationship with people changed ten times better.





24. Loving compassion to all beings. Everythig feels like one. (When this is to the full extent, you rarely have bad emotions. When this is to a lesser extent, I could feel bad when noticing that I have just ignored a moment, as if it was a living being )





25. I have meaningful dreams every night where in a lot of them I can fly, I have superpower. Many dreams are in this warm, beautiful place with blue sky and embracing light. Someone is always there to answer my questions. I also have OBEs from time to time, where I am in my other energy bodies.





26. I wrote in my journal " Heaven is not any other place in any other time. Heaven is right here right now." " You can't understand this. You can only experience it."




27. During meditation, I arrived at a place of stillness where "I" no longer exists, only "Being"





28. There is something I still can't put to words. It has something to do with the word "God" It is the alignment of our body, mind and spirit. That is "being" and you can only experience it. You feel that God is in you and you are with God all the time.


29. Feel so light while walking. It's like your inner bodies are flying inside of you. Full of inner energy in the body and feels wonderful physically and emotionally. Energetic all day long.


30. From time to time, I have muscle spasm and limbs being switched position. Sometimes I felt like my hands holding up with certain finger gestures that resemble what I see Buddha do in temples. Some wise words would show up from nowhere.





31. Bubble sensation going up in the spine and the scalp





32. Electric like currents flow though my body during sleep or duing the day


33. Thinking about helping other people or animals. All of a sudden I look all over the place to volunteer in soup kitchen and animal shelters. I give out money to homeless people on the street. I feel great doing it, as if this loving energy needs to come out to my surrounding.


34. Efficiency and life achievement greatly increase. (In 2011 looking back, ever since 2003, I have received a second master's degree, completed a one year fellowship, teaching college courses, being promoted to the program head position, receiving award for outstanding leadership, hosted successful community events, receiving visits to my center from national leaders...)



35. Weep during meditation, yoga, and natural walks (This is not during the peak period)


36. Natural progression of energy work---meditation-->chakra work--->yoga--->natural walk--->energy work in nature

I will add more later if I think of anything else.