accept that everything has an ending

It is the ending that we dread, the ending that we wish we would never see.

Attachment is hanging on to things and hope they never end. Attachment tie us down so we can't take up freely.

Once we are free of attachment, free of fear of ending, including death, all our inner power will show.

Accept. Acknowledge. Let it. Allow. Be humble.

Our body can't help our attempt in fixing the past or the future

When I find myself wondering about the past or the future, I usually also notice the tense body and the anxious feelings.

I have found that it's generally impossible to figure out anything which is not present, at least our body doesn't comprehend what we are doing, and can't not help the process. We are left with our own will power trying to fix the future or the past. We might still achieve things that way, but at the expense of the well being of our body and mind.

I have learned to come back to the present whenever I am stressed or in anyway uncomfortable. I have learned that whatever issue it is, it is best to figure it out from the present being.

It's almost not worth the effort wondering about anything not present. Our body does not comprehend it, and the mis match of body and mind disturb the whole process.

Canadian geese family

I have not seen the Canadian geese family since the week before, the geese family that I visited for about three months.



I fed them Saturday the week before, and then I didn't see them again on that Sunday, and last week, and this week. I was worried something bad happened to them, like the two chicks out of the three mysteriously disappearing two months ago. They are stubborn birds and usually stand their grounds. No preditors are seen in the area either. I hope they are just moving on, now that the chick is big enough to fly.



Without them, the lake is now empty and returns to its forever nothingness.



I miss them, feeling the loss of something dearing.



I will never forget the moment I shared with them. They became acquainted with me, came swimming or flying over to me right away from across the lake when I appear. With no lacking of joggers, or dog walkers by the lake, I often wonder how they tell me apart.



Sometimes on a drizzling morning, I would be the only one came to the lake with an umbrella. They would come to my side, the mother goose, the father goose, and their chick.



They really are natural beauties. I am always in awe in their presence. What a magnificent bird, almost unreal. All they eat is just grass, seaweed, and they grow to be this beautiful creatures.



Yes, they don't try to be beautiful. They are beautiful, effortlessly. They are just geese. They swim around the lake all day long, without doing anything. When they are not in the water, they stand on the rocks clean their own feathers.



The mother and the father are very responsible parents. One of them is always standing guard when the family is feeding.



Hopefully they will come back again next year.

From body to being

The more experience with meditation and yoga, the more sensitive we become toward our body awareness. Our body becomes something we go by to make decisions.

I am familiar with the state where every part of the body is relaxed. Whenever I am stressed, I would go back to my body trying to find out which part is tense. Then I would tell myself to imagine ample blood flow or energy flow flood through every part of my body. I instantly become energized.

This is not something I am very aware of during my first awakening. During the first time, my energy was so strong that I was emersed in strong flow all day long. The profound change took place, but it happened due to a sudden loss of self. It wasn't something I could control. After the whole thing die down in two years, I had no idea how to get back in there.


This time around, I traced back little by little and got to know my body and my mind separately. I found that in order to get in touch with the mind, the body plays the major role.

After a long stressful work day, I would cearly be aware of my tense body. The tension is not easy to get over. I sesnse this tension staying with me until I sit down to meditate.

Right away, I would relax my body and still sense the anxiety in me, body and mind mismatched, an uncomfortable feeling. The self inquiring questtion comes to me automatically " Can I handle this?" "Am I pretending anything?" "How does this feel?" "Let me just do this." "What's that inside?" "What happens when I don't do anything?" "What happens when I let it happens inside?"

At the turn of from tense to relax, anxious to calm, pretentious to real, in both body and mind, something in me seems to flow, and I always sob at this juncture, from a full blown weeping, to just a crying sensation.

Then this feeling of being in touch would appear. Not yet ultimate, because the body memory of uncomforableness will still be there for a while, until the new energy wash everything away.

Then the energy shakes and rocks the body, until it stops.

This is when the energy keeps coming and coming, a totally different being emerges.

This usually brings on a very restful sleep afterwards and very clear, long dream.