How to face the fear of an ending of a good thing which we do not want it to stop--health, job, professional edge, control, vibriant years, relationship, control, power, self confidence, control, ....
How to face the fear of losing control?
We can't be prepared for this.
We can only accept the fact that, in fact, the time will come when we lose control. We might be able to control a certain thing for a time, for now, for a certain degree, but control is only relative. Give it enough time, we will eventually lose it.
Will we be okay when we lose control?
Can we be okay knowing that no matter what we do, actually one day we will not be okay--health, job, professional edge, control, vibriant years, relationship, control, power, self confidence, control...
Will worry about it make it any better?
Can we even control anything?
When seeing suffering, decline, failure, harm, injustice, illness, death, bad things, evil in our surroundings, if our reaction are emotions of horror, disappointment, fear, condemation, rejection, denial..., that means we will not be okay when that day finally come when it's our turn.
To be fearless, we can only accept, surrender, be willing, be humble, to the fact that we can't be in control forever.
We surrender, not because we fear, and not because we don't want the fear of losing contorl. We surrender because the more we are aware, the more we see that the only thing we can control is ourseelves. No one can harm us, no one can make us suffer, no one can make anything a bad thing, except us.
When we really look at any sufferings, a big part of it is the shame, and the loss of pride and dignity that goes with it-- How are my friends and family going to view me if I don,t have a job, if I have cancer, if I am homeless, if I get fired, if am a complete failure, if I am the center of attack or scandal? Everyone else is okay while I am not.
While we try to control our destiny, the fear actually control us all our life.
In fact, while we are worrying about the arriving of such a day, people actually probably only spend 2% of their attention on anything about you. Who cares?
Anything we try to control, actually controls us.
Let go of control of everything, then nothing can control us.
If your demise is just like the falling leaves of the tree outside, or the disappear of the squarrel on a tree, which is all a part of the nature, doesn't it feel so much lighter?
What it is to fear? It is going to come. Nature is not all pretty and perfect. You and I shouldn't be always pretty and perfect either.
The fact that we are here, and the fact that we are a part of the nature, we are as magical, cute, and as fragile as the squarrel on that tree.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Courage of testing a dream reality
042211
In this experience, I was at my grandma's farm doing something which I don't remember. Then I saw a long lost friend whom I haven't seen since college. She and I were going to lunch together. I went along, but kept thinking “I don’t remember I have this arrangement,” with the strange awareness that I am in the past. Something about the time, space, and myself do not match.
We walked and chatted and started to go downstairs. All of a sudden the suspicion got the better of me "This is strange. Why do I feel that she is not real?" I need to test this out." Whenever I have this type of awakening in dreams, it is a very strange moment and requires courage to go through with the verification, because normally we do not question our reality. I am never sure whether I am in a real or unreal world, until I have the courage to do something crazy to test it.
So despite the concern of being redicured by people around, I very bravely walked toward the wall of the stairs. To my amazement, I walked into the wall and half of me was inside of the building and half was outside hanging in the air. "Wow, this is a dream world! " I came back into the staircase and the whole setting started to fade away. My friend disappeared as well.
The scene is now a park where there are trees and plants around. So I started to think very hard what I wanted to do. I didn't see anybody around me. I sat down on the ground and started to do a yoga post that I felt like doing. Then I looked around and saw another girl doing the same post in a distance, as if mirroring me.
The posture seemed to relax me and I felt sluggish from here. I continued to do something. I remember that I saw a huge funnel of black cloud appeared from the sky to the ground, then thunder going from the sky to the ground. I went into a house to avoid the bad weather.
In this experience, I was at my grandma's farm doing something which I don't remember. Then I saw a long lost friend whom I haven't seen since college. She and I were going to lunch together. I went along, but kept thinking “I don’t remember I have this arrangement,” with the strange awareness that I am in the past. Something about the time, space, and myself do not match.
We walked and chatted and started to go downstairs. All of a sudden the suspicion got the better of me "This is strange. Why do I feel that she is not real?" I need to test this out." Whenever I have this type of awakening in dreams, it is a very strange moment and requires courage to go through with the verification, because normally we do not question our reality. I am never sure whether I am in a real or unreal world, until I have the courage to do something crazy to test it.
So despite the concern of being redicured by people around, I very bravely walked toward the wall of the stairs. To my amazement, I walked into the wall and half of me was inside of the building and half was outside hanging in the air. "Wow, this is a dream world! " I came back into the staircase and the whole setting started to fade away. My friend disappeared as well.
The scene is now a park where there are trees and plants around. So I started to think very hard what I wanted to do. I didn't see anybody around me. I sat down on the ground and started to do a yoga post that I felt like doing. Then I looked around and saw another girl doing the same post in a distance, as if mirroring me.
The posture seemed to relax me and I felt sluggish from here. I continued to do something. I remember that I saw a huge funnel of black cloud appeared from the sky to the ground, then thunder going from the sky to the ground. I went into a house to avoid the bad weather.
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