12/25/09
I was woken up by the sound of my TV and light in the living room coming on. I instantly got worried. What is it? I saw my cat at the foot of my bed becoming alert too. We both got up. While leaving my bed, I noticed that my movement was difficult, feeling like moving in the water. At the time I thought that some energy or entity must have come over me. (After waking up, I reflect on the whole thing and realized that this is one of the symptoms of OBE. But this exit felt different than usual)
I came to the living room and saw the TV turned on and the lamps were on. This can’t be. I tried to turn them off, but they stayed on. Then I noticed that a room next door was open. (Why is there a room here? This is new. The place where I have my mirror has now turned intoo a door.) I went in there and was intrigued to see a few Chinese people sitting there (my own ethnicity—I have never had experiences involving only people with my own ethnicity. I am from Taiwan.). A guy at the far end was doing something on the wall. I said to them: “oh you guys are fixing the electricity? My light keeps coming on. I was scared.” They didn’t really respond. Then I could feel that these people seemed to keep referring me to another energy/entity, which is invisible or elusive to me. I don’t remember the details here. But one girl here started to communicate with me in some way. I seemed to get the idea that another one of them was causing this and they were a bit troubled. They wanted me to be involved or to help in some way.
That girl and I were leaving the room, going somewhere. I could feel an energy is pushing on my back to direct where I am going. Then I seemed to be able to see a guy with his vague form in the distance. The girl and I seemed to be led to this guy, but I forgot what happened here. Then the girl and I were going to somewhere else. I seemed to get used to the idea that something is helping us and I feel safe. (In the beginning, it was uneasy because I kept feeling energy pushing/leading me or influencing things to happen) It occurred to me that I could use the energy to fly. So I flew up into the sky, leaving the girl and what happened behind.
The night air was cold with a bit of flurry in my face. I flew so fast up and down. It occurred to me that I want to try to jump out of my window to fly out again. Instantly I was back in my room and trying to get out of the curtain and window.
At one point, I returned to that room and those people I met earlier were sleeping. I was asking them some questions. One of the teens listened to me, but then I noticed a fire start in the bed sheet. The teen looked at it without reaction. I beat the bed sheet trying to put out the fire. The teen showed me there was more fire on the other part of the sheet. It burned the edge of the sheet. I don’t know where the fire came from. The teen seemed to be showing me this to be a magical world.
So many details were lost to my recall. At the time, it was so real and the whole thing and details were vivid to me. But then when I realized that I just woke up and tried to remember the whole thing over, many things started to get lost. It feels like what happened was totally in another level of my consciousness and there is no way I could comprehend or recall with the normal consciousness.
I woke up and talked to my recorder and got up for a while and went back to sleep. This time, my deceased father was telling others what his spiritual guide told him, when I wanted to tell him my earlier experience. Then someone showed me a hand cream or cold cream that I have seen in the last experience.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
What is weeping
The host of Travel Channel "Bizarre food" Andrew Zimmer was in a ritual in a tribe in South Africa. He was just looking around and joined in the circle when the dance and drumming got more intense. People rolled around and dance around in trance. He was amazed by what he was seeing. All of a sudden, the Shaman placed hands in his lower chest just for a minute. He got very emotional and started to weep. He is usually a cheerful and funny guy. To see him weep is a bit of good TV.
Weeping still happens to me often during meditation and yoga. I know it's because there are times during the day when ego, instead of true self, is operaing. Thoughts or sensation without thoughts can both cause the weeping. For example, I would be bending over on the mat doing yoga when I start weeping for no reason, just because of the post triggering a deep sensation in me. So I would weep for a while. During meditation, I also weep for no reason when I feel the sensation in the solar plexus area.
Whenever during the day, if I have oppressed my feelings or I have let something unfair happened to me or to others, I know that this will show up in my meditation. This type of weeping usually comes on very rapidly, so intense that you feel you are shaking yourself from inside, as if a motor engine inside just get started in a continuous pushing motion.
It can also be intepreted that there is still something hidden that's blocking the pure self. Something is in the way to the pure self. When we are facing the pure self, everything is clear and pure and there is non of the emotions or sensation
Weeping still happens to me often during meditation and yoga. I know it's because there are times during the day when ego, instead of true self, is operaing. Thoughts or sensation without thoughts can both cause the weeping. For example, I would be bending over on the mat doing yoga when I start weeping for no reason, just because of the post triggering a deep sensation in me. So I would weep for a while. During meditation, I also weep for no reason when I feel the sensation in the solar plexus area.
Whenever during the day, if I have oppressed my feelings or I have let something unfair happened to me or to others, I know that this will show up in my meditation. This type of weeping usually comes on very rapidly, so intense that you feel you are shaking yourself from inside, as if a motor engine inside just get started in a continuous pushing motion.
It can also be intepreted that there is still something hidden that's blocking the pure self. Something is in the way to the pure self. When we are facing the pure self, everything is clear and pure and there is non of the emotions or sensation
Monday, December 7, 2009
My route to the now--for me anyway
From my experience, I would say the reason why "now" is so hard to focus for people is because we just have too many stuff layered on us--emotions, body tension, thoughts, memories. I know that in theory we are supposed to be able to "just be", "just be aware of all things around you."
Without a process, without a trigger, I never was able to "just be."
Looking back, I think I just have too much conditioned responses to things, past, present, and future, that I don't know how to just be present anymore.
A lot of the responses are hidden that have gone into our subconsciousness. Without a process, it's hard to reach just by will power.
For me the trigger was a breaking up of my own self-identity, due to a traumatic loss of relationship. The process is to undo the conditioned layers of reactions---through intense meditation.
This is my route any way. And this was the only way that worked for me.
I would also say that inner energy (inner body) is the thing that centers us in the now, no matter what route we take. Get it out and then get it settled, we will be totally present and can't be affected easily.
Without a process, without a trigger, I never was able to "just be."
Looking back, I think I just have too much conditioned responses to things, past, present, and future, that I don't know how to just be present anymore.
A lot of the responses are hidden that have gone into our subconsciousness. Without a process, it's hard to reach just by will power.
For me the trigger was a breaking up of my own self-identity, due to a traumatic loss of relationship. The process is to undo the conditioned layers of reactions---through intense meditation.
This is my route any way. And this was the only way that worked for me.
I would also say that inner energy (inner body) is the thing that centers us in the now, no matter what route we take. Get it out and then get it settled, we will be totally present and can't be affected easily.
Busy people, do we really know how tired our body are?
Of course if we are totally aware and present 24/7, we won't feel stressed at all because we would never overwork ourselves, and we also have a endless flow of inner energy to make us energetic all day long.
But once in a while when life really requires too much, this is what we find.
1. Unwinding
Sometimes when we are totally stressed and tense, we don't even know that we are tired. It is when we totally relax our body that we find how tired our body really is.
This really amazes me. I have found that if I am still excited about things from during the day, I think I am not sleepy and not tired. But once I get out of the bed to meditate, in just a few minutes, I find how tired and how sleepy my body really is.
Unwinding is essential. We are all busy people. If we don't unwind, sometimes we can't even do things that really help us, like yoga, enjoying cooking, exercise, or meditation. Our body is all tense and tight. In such tension, we would not even be interested at all in doing anything. We just want to be lazy. Our mind set can't stop, so we find something similar to keep it that way. So we watch TV to keep our mind busy. Or we find more things to worry about or think about. We might also eat or drink to feel good. We might not even fall asleep even if we try.
When we don't unwind, it's like we are not cooperating or communicating with our body. Our body and mind are doing their own things.
In meditation, we unwind by taking a few deep breaths, and then just let our body do its thing. Breathe. Feel what's inside of you. Feel what comes up. This is the unwinding it needs to set for the next stage.
2. Rocking and swaying
For me, once I totally let go of control of my body, rocking starts right away. I have found that it can be a bit distracting. But just let it rock for a while. It will stop when it's done, because I think this is the process of the inner energy trying to settle. So the body relax first to get the inner energy coming up. Then it takes a while to let the inner energy settle down on its own.
I have found that this rocking and swaying is the cause of a totally restful and healing sleep after meditation. I have related the rocking and the healing me sleep. They go together. When the inner energy go through the process of settling down, it finds its suitable place and that's what we need to have total relaxation and healing of our body.
But it can also be the other way around. It's because we are totally relaxed that we are able to rock and sway freely.
Sometimes it really amazed how tired I find I actually am, because I have worked too hard during the day.
This is one of the things I learned in this second around of awakening. The first time around, I was in awe with all kinds of happenings but didn't know why. This second time around, I am able to see what makes it work, and what doesn't work.
But once in a while when life really requires too much, this is what we find.
1. Unwinding
Sometimes when we are totally stressed and tense, we don't even know that we are tired. It is when we totally relax our body that we find how tired our body really is.
This really amazes me. I have found that if I am still excited about things from during the day, I think I am not sleepy and not tired. But once I get out of the bed to meditate, in just a few minutes, I find how tired and how sleepy my body really is.
Unwinding is essential. We are all busy people. If we don't unwind, sometimes we can't even do things that really help us, like yoga, enjoying cooking, exercise, or meditation. Our body is all tense and tight. In such tension, we would not even be interested at all in doing anything. We just want to be lazy. Our mind set can't stop, so we find something similar to keep it that way. So we watch TV to keep our mind busy. Or we find more things to worry about or think about. We might also eat or drink to feel good. We might not even fall asleep even if we try.
When we don't unwind, it's like we are not cooperating or communicating with our body. Our body and mind are doing their own things.
In meditation, we unwind by taking a few deep breaths, and then just let our body do its thing. Breathe. Feel what's inside of you. Feel what comes up. This is the unwinding it needs to set for the next stage.
2. Rocking and swaying
For me, once I totally let go of control of my body, rocking starts right away. I have found that it can be a bit distracting. But just let it rock for a while. It will stop when it's done, because I think this is the process of the inner energy trying to settle. So the body relax first to get the inner energy coming up. Then it takes a while to let the inner energy settle down on its own.
I have found that this rocking and swaying is the cause of a totally restful and healing sleep after meditation. I have related the rocking and the healing me sleep. They go together. When the inner energy go through the process of settling down, it finds its suitable place and that's what we need to have total relaxation and healing of our body.
But it can also be the other way around. It's because we are totally relaxed that we are able to rock and sway freely.
Sometimes it really amazed how tired I find I actually am, because I have worked too hard during the day.
This is one of the things I learned in this second around of awakening. The first time around, I was in awe with all kinds of happenings but didn't know why. This second time around, I am able to see what makes it work, and what doesn't work.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
120509 A short projection, false awakening, and a pre-cognitive dream 120509
This afternoon I had a short projection and false awakening.
My cat was nestling next to me. I was sleepy, and wasn't sure if I did fall asleep. In a while, I felt a pool of energy in my belly and the familiar sensation came. I knew I could shoot up. So up I was out of my body. But then quickly was sucked back in. I will it again and now was floating. This time I tried rolling side to side. But it felt something different in the way---it's my cat. I rolled to the other side, but it's not the usual side that I am out.
Now I am aware to still be lying there on my bed. From here I thought I was awake already and moved around on my bed and shoo away my cat and had changed my position to sleep on my side. Finally I woke up and surprised that all the time I didn;t move a bit from my original position, and my cat was still next to me too.
A pre-cognitive dream--
I wanted to share a pre-cognitive dream from a while ago. It is only when things happened now that I realized that dream has foretold the future.
They are making me the director. Everyone gathered in our program for the ceremony. The branch VP, my boss is here but I don’t really see her. Some central people I never see showed up too, including the big VP of the agency. Some told staff already that I am the director. I don’t know what happen in the ceremony but finally they just directly told me to see the few people. I didn’t really saw the branch VP. The few central people who I never saw before told me that I will.
(I am relative new and haven’t formally met the agency heads in this largest agency in New England. However, the dream has fore told the changes in the agency that involved the agency VP and the branch VP. It was strange that the agency VP, not the agency president, was there in that ceremony in my dream.
A few weeks later, the news came that the agency president was retiring. He then past away suddenly right after. The agency VP then was made the president. So it makes sense that the agency VP would be the big boss when I made the director.
Another thing strange is that I didn’t really see our branch VP in that dream, who was supposed to be the announcer. Just last Thursday, she was promoted to the agency VP, which means she will no longer be my direct supervisor.)
I have to go over to a gathering and the few of us took a route. Enroute I saw a coworker who has supported me and was the essential person pushing for me to be the director. She was on vacation and was on the floor laying around in an apartment. I happily say hi to her. She went into the apartment. It is as if she has done her job and now I need to move on. So We kept going.
There is some type of high up places where we either need to slide down to the lower part to walk over to the field or we have to go beyond a very high cooking stove. Some guy I like was sliding down. I was first and I want him to go before me. He go first and I followed. We arrived at a big field. There is a supervisor watching everyone. The task is to go through obstacle course and then split legs over the barrier. So I started to practice. There are people practicing, running, stretching, splitting their legs. There are many people practicing, and few spaces for me to practice because the practice takes up space.
In real life, there is no time to practice anything. I have to be 110% competent to be the head of the program, and I am.
My cat was nestling next to me. I was sleepy, and wasn't sure if I did fall asleep. In a while, I felt a pool of energy in my belly and the familiar sensation came. I knew I could shoot up. So up I was out of my body. But then quickly was sucked back in. I will it again and now was floating. This time I tried rolling side to side. But it felt something different in the way---it's my cat. I rolled to the other side, but it's not the usual side that I am out.
Now I am aware to still be lying there on my bed. From here I thought I was awake already and moved around on my bed and shoo away my cat and had changed my position to sleep on my side. Finally I woke up and surprised that all the time I didn;t move a bit from my original position, and my cat was still next to me too.
A pre-cognitive dream--
I wanted to share a pre-cognitive dream from a while ago. It is only when things happened now that I realized that dream has foretold the future.
They are making me the director. Everyone gathered in our program for the ceremony. The branch VP, my boss is here but I don’t really see her. Some central people I never see showed up too, including the big VP of the agency. Some told staff already that I am the director. I don’t know what happen in the ceremony but finally they just directly told me to see the few people. I didn’t really saw the branch VP. The few central people who I never saw before told me that I will.
(I am relative new and haven’t formally met the agency heads in this largest agency in New England. However, the dream has fore told the changes in the agency that involved the agency VP and the branch VP. It was strange that the agency VP, not the agency president, was there in that ceremony in my dream.
A few weeks later, the news came that the agency president was retiring. He then past away suddenly right after. The agency VP then was made the president. So it makes sense that the agency VP would be the big boss when I made the director.
Another thing strange is that I didn’t really see our branch VP in that dream, who was supposed to be the announcer. Just last Thursday, she was promoted to the agency VP, which means she will no longer be my direct supervisor.)
I have to go over to a gathering and the few of us took a route. Enroute I saw a coworker who has supported me and was the essential person pushing for me to be the director. She was on vacation and was on the floor laying around in an apartment. I happily say hi to her. She went into the apartment. It is as if she has done her job and now I need to move on. So We kept going.
There is some type of high up places where we either need to slide down to the lower part to walk over to the field or we have to go beyond a very high cooking stove. Some guy I like was sliding down. I was first and I want him to go before me. He go first and I followed. We arrived at a big field. There is a supervisor watching everyone. The task is to go through obstacle course and then split legs over the barrier. So I started to practice. There are people practicing, running, stretching, splitting their legs. There are many people practicing, and few spaces for me to practice because the practice takes up space.
In real life, there is no time to practice anything. I have to be 110% competent to be the head of the program, and I am.
Meet the natives--perspectives from simplicity
There is a new series on the Travel channel where 5 natives from a remote tribe come to spend some time in US cities, visiting museums, NY Stock Exchange, dining in style restaurants, staying in homes of affluent families....I think it's on Sunday nights
Along the way they would share their perspectives on what they see. The hosts also ask interesting questions to solicit responses from them.One of the questions is " In your society, do you have two men or two women getting married?"
While in central park in New York, they saw a homeless guy there and could not believe their eyes. Their comment is that there are building and houses everywhere in this land. How can this one person not having a place to stay? In their society, everyone has a home, because everyone would come to help build a hut when someone need a place. The final comment is that they can see no one loves him. This person is not loved in this land.
It is very interesting to hear things from their perspectives, as if from a pair of eyes before civilization.
Along the way they would share their perspectives on what they see. The hosts also ask interesting questions to solicit responses from them.One of the questions is " In your society, do you have two men or two women getting married?"
While in central park in New York, they saw a homeless guy there and could not believe their eyes. Their comment is that there are building and houses everywhere in this land. How can this one person not having a place to stay? In their society, everyone has a home, because everyone would come to help build a hut when someone need a place. The final comment is that they can see no one loves him. This person is not loved in this land.
It is very interesting to hear things from their perspectives, as if from a pair of eyes before civilization.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Everything just is, because I just am
Sometimes we hear that mind is a problem. Other times, we hear that everything just is.
I can only talk about what I experienced. I often use what I found in meditation as the gauge.
In meditation, when we sit down and begin to meditate, we just sit and then watch ourselves. The first thing I do after a few deep breathes is to just listen, just notice, just watch what's from inside. Allow everything, anything. I say" Don't tell me what to do. Let me. Allow this." -----I think this is the stage which we need to unwind. If we don't unwind, our body is all tense and we might just act on our edginess and get up and quit in a short while. (This is a little effort we need. If you say we shouldn't be taking any efforts, then we would quit every time or fall asleep before we can reach deeper.)
Even when we “notice” “watch” “allow” we are still doing something.
Fast forward to finally we arrive to our truest being, this is when everything really is effortless. In this point, we are so free and so perfect that we don’t need to do anything anymore and we know it to be true. We are perfect just like that. We are perfect in that here and now. We experience it that our truest being is when we really are not doing anything, totally relax, resting in our purest being. -----This is what effortlessness means to me.
In life, we have dressed up layers and layers of stories. We have emotions and many other things that cloud us up. If we act on these things, there can be conflicts and stir up even more emotions and conflicts. One thing leads to another. With emotions and all these stories, we might never be in touch with our pure being, our real self.
When we act from our true being or real self, it is embracing and open. We see all the stories, emotions in life as if we watch them through a higher view and know these are not our real self or others’ real self. These are just layers and layers of dresses and we understand and embrace these. ----This is what “everything just is” means to me. Everything just is, because I just am. I need to be the “being” first, so that I can see the first part.
I can only talk about what I experienced. I often use what I found in meditation as the gauge.
In meditation, when we sit down and begin to meditate, we just sit and then watch ourselves. The first thing I do after a few deep breathes is to just listen, just notice, just watch what's from inside. Allow everything, anything. I say" Don't tell me what to do. Let me. Allow this." -----I think this is the stage which we need to unwind. If we don't unwind, our body is all tense and we might just act on our edginess and get up and quit in a short while. (This is a little effort we need. If you say we shouldn't be taking any efforts, then we would quit every time or fall asleep before we can reach deeper.)
Even when we “notice” “watch” “allow” we are still doing something.
Fast forward to finally we arrive to our truest being, this is when everything really is effortless. In this point, we are so free and so perfect that we don’t need to do anything anymore and we know it to be true. We are perfect just like that. We are perfect in that here and now. We experience it that our truest being is when we really are not doing anything, totally relax, resting in our purest being. -----This is what effortlessness means to me.
In life, we have dressed up layers and layers of stories. We have emotions and many other things that cloud us up. If we act on these things, there can be conflicts and stir up even more emotions and conflicts. One thing leads to another. With emotions and all these stories, we might never be in touch with our pure being, our real self.
When we act from our true being or real self, it is embracing and open. We see all the stories, emotions in life as if we watch them through a higher view and know these are not our real self or others’ real self. These are just layers and layers of dresses and we understand and embrace these. ----This is what “everything just is” means to me. Everything just is, because I just am. I need to be the “being” first, so that I can see the first part.
Getting to the realization of "now" being "the truth"
Yes, when we really experience "now" being "the truth", everything becomes effortless. There is nothing we need to do, because it is when we are not doing anything, trying to go anywhere else, that we are in our truest orignal being.
When we arrive at "I" being " this", if we ask "what is the truth" " Is this true?" we might still feel that something is not clear to us. We might still feel this is not ultimate yet.
So we keep asking ourselves, "what is the truth". If this is not the right question, try "what's really going on?" "What's the matter?" We might still be slightly uncomfortable. Something is not right.
We try to ask the questions in another way a few times. Then we come to this question " Why don't you want to be here?" " Do you really want to be here?" Suddenly, it becomes clear to us. Our body at the same time also feels it, that this is the right question. Our body start to settle down even more, settle and settle, until it fall into its ultimate resting place, the now.
It is because we secretly don't want to be here. We don't want to be in the now. That's the thing that prevent us feeling being true. So we say "Okay, let me try to be just in here." Now ask the question again : "Is this true?" "Is this my truest being?" And now, your body feel it. your being feel it. Yes, this is the turth. "Now" is the "truth". "Now" is the truth and is the final resting place.
At this point, you will also feel that "There is nothing I need to do." " There is no where I need to go." "Just here" is our truest state.
When we arrive at "I" being " this", if we ask "what is the truth" " Is this true?" we might still feel that something is not clear to us. We might still feel this is not ultimate yet.
So we keep asking ourselves, "what is the truth". If this is not the right question, try "what's really going on?" "What's the matter?" We might still be slightly uncomfortable. Something is not right.
We try to ask the questions in another way a few times. Then we come to this question " Why don't you want to be here?" " Do you really want to be here?" Suddenly, it becomes clear to us. Our body at the same time also feels it, that this is the right question. Our body start to settle down even more, settle and settle, until it fall into its ultimate resting place, the now.
It is because we secretly don't want to be here. We don't want to be in the now. That's the thing that prevent us feeling being true. So we say "Okay, let me try to be just in here." Now ask the question again : "Is this true?" "Is this my truest being?" And now, your body feel it. your being feel it. Yes, this is the turth. "Now" is the "truth". "Now" is the truth and is the final resting place.
At this point, you will also feel that "There is nothing I need to do." " There is no where I need to go." "Just here" is our truest state.
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