During the peak and intensity of my experiences a few years back, one thing I found and I now realize, is that in order to go to higher dimensions, I can not have a dense energy in this physical body stuffed with emotions, thoughts, memories. I basically need to process them all until I feel light, blissful, and reborn. With heavy emotion and mind set and stress of daily life, all I have are experiences manifested with my own emotional contents waiting to be processed, and hinders me to see into the real astral setting.
After daily hour long intense meditation which I could not wait to do every night and morning, many physical sensations, emotions, thoughts, and memories went through very intense, rapid, and fundamental processing. Among other events, two major electrical current like flows shooting out of my bodies, the results were an ecstatic feeling and sensation throughout my physical body. Until that happened, I had never known I can feel that wonderful all over my body, for a duration of days each time. It was just like a rebirth, totally undesirable with words. I would say that this transformation would be the thing I was here to achieve in this lifetime.
With my physical body rid of distractions and then full of inner energy that has always been in me, somehow I longed for and also totally believed in and easily focused when I thought of the word of "God". The transformation didn't take me away from people. On the contrary, I felt much closer to others. Everyone felt just like me. Close friend and family felt more significant than ever. I become really care about their state of well beings in a way that's more intimate and in a deeper level. Every night before falling asleep, I automatically sent prayer and love to my father in heaven and my brother who suffers from addiction. And then I would just find myself in these beautiful landscapes flying around the mountain and valley full of light and healing energy.
During the day, I walked around actually feeling that my energy body was flying inside of me. I felt so light, so powerful, totally admiring and adoring myself. At night, the same thing, people in my dreams or experiences admired and adore me.
It is as if my physical body is just another layer of all these energy bodies, similarly light, energetic, full of love, full of wonders. Physical body is not one that get stressed, get tired, used for work to make money, hanging around to defend, pretend, attack, gain, and being unhappy and unfulfilled. Physical body felt to me equally wonderful, magically, and powerful just like my other layers of energy bodies!!
I felt like I totally understand what God is. I felt God. He was everywhere inside and out.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Choosing the discomfort
It is like going through a withdrawal of an addiction. As if suffering from a loss, I feel the soreness in the body, a little light headed, feeling abandoned and unloved, wandering from one thing to the next, and mostly the discomfort of doubt and uncertainty.
I have been facing the challenge of giving up my last lap of attachment, my biggest challenge of all.
Good opportunities came up. Normally I would be up for it. This time, I can see that it will just be more mind based drama in another setting, to fill the never ending void of ego and self-insecurity. I no longer want to be in that pursuit. I chose to stay put and look at the chances go by in front of me.
The decision comes with confronting and enduring the struggle of self doubt and insecurity. My whole body scream and challenge this unusual decision.
"But it is disappointing not to take the opportunity. You would be in higher level doing things with greater importance and impact. Everyone is watching. They will now know that you are just as good as how big you can get."
"People are getting ahead and I am not going anywhere" " I am now falling behind" .......
This is uncomfortable and unsettling. I normally jumped to challenge and opportunity. This time I totally chose to go through the discomfort and dread, staying put and watching others
getting ahead.
"Will I be okay without being bigger and doing more?" "How will people see me now?" "Why were the opportunities there and I am here?"
I do see work as service. In fact, I am totally shifting it to the service mind set, not a mean to advance status or achievement. I no longer feel status and achievement to be relevant. Service, on the other hand, no matter where I am, will serve needs of others. Empower, encourage, help out, ......
I told myself I am going through a withdrawal of addicting to a path of self importance, a path of hiding behind achievement from being real and being true in relation to other people.
I had never really learned how to relate to people, other than assuring them my value with achievement and status. I was most comfortable to be around people when I was able to let them know where I am professionally.
However, there has been a shift these past few years. I no longer like to mention what I do when meeting people, simply carrying on conversations. I started to see high achievement in a different light. I also no longer pay attention to status of others. Everyone feels the same to me. They are just like me and I am just like them.
This is the last lap of growth. This is the last lap of transformation. It's not intense or rapid, but I am heading toward the right direction.
Friday, August 5, 2011
A floating empty workplace
8/4/11
Last night I was dreaming that I was on the phone in my office, talking about something that occupied my full attention. Then a staff person walked in looking a little different than usual. She dressed and acted a bit out of her style, which alerted something in me, enough for me to put the urgent phone on hold and came out of the office to see what's going on with her.
So I walked out of the office and then was shocked by what I saw. The whole place was empty. The reception area, the big refrigerator, all the chairs and tables, all gone. All the decor and displays on the walls disappeared. My vision turned into the conference room--same thing, everything is gone, and the wall is completely bare. What a shocking sight!
I instantly knew that this is not real. What a strange place and atmosphere! The whole place event felt like it's floating.
Since it's not real, I started to walk into the wall to see what would happen and I walked right into it. I then try to float up, and then up I went and into the ceiling.
Next thing I know, I was in a big hall with pillars. A guy feeling like my brother was moving very fast in it, almost flying. A cat looking like my cat, but with big beaming red eyes was running around. It then jumping toward me, but landed on a concrete divider on its neck. It broke my heart to see that distressed poor thing. Did it just break its neck?
And then I remembered and also believed that this is not real.
As I became deeply relieved, I woke up.
Last night I was dreaming that I was on the phone in my office, talking about something that occupied my full attention. Then a staff person walked in looking a little different than usual. She dressed and acted a bit out of her style, which alerted something in me, enough for me to put the urgent phone on hold and came out of the office to see what's going on with her.
So I walked out of the office and then was shocked by what I saw. The whole place was empty. The reception area, the big refrigerator, all the chairs and tables, all gone. All the decor and displays on the walls disappeared. My vision turned into the conference room--same thing, everything is gone, and the wall is completely bare. What a shocking sight!
I instantly knew that this is not real. What a strange place and atmosphere! The whole place event felt like it's floating.
Since it's not real, I started to walk into the wall to see what would happen and I walked right into it. I then try to float up, and then up I went and into the ceiling.
Next thing I know, I was in a big hall with pillars. A guy feeling like my brother was moving very fast in it, almost flying. A cat looking like my cat, but with big beaming red eyes was running around. It then jumping toward me, but landed on a concrete divider on its neck. It broke my heart to see that distressed poor thing. Did it just break its neck?
And then I remembered and also believed that this is not real.
As I became deeply relieved, I woke up.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
woken up by a woman in black
8/3/11
I have been having a minor infection and is coughing and have been tired than usual. Still trying to find the balance toward work and spirituality--how not to be too sticky about work, but enough to sustain my livelyhood and spirituality.
Last night in the half sleep half awake state, all of a sudden I found that an older woman was sitting next to my bed looking at me. I kept looking at her to see who she is. She dressed in black, has shoulder length salty hair and a little chubby. She looked at me, and started to smile when she saw that I noticed her. I then realized that I do not know her, and that I am half awake half sleep.
Once I realized that, I rolled out of my bed and found myself falling through the floors and then into the ground. I normally like to float away or fly up, but it felt like I was pulled down and down
The next thing I know, it is another room where the feeling is like I just woke up from it. I got up from that bed and found that a side door was wide open the whole night. Outside was a deserted trail leading right to this door. I was surprised how and why this side door had been open the whole night. What a scary looking dark woods down that route. I quickly closed the door.
A guy with military uniform was cleaning my room but then he got interested in me. I told him I am still sick. Then I was going to take a shower. A few white uniformed nurses showed up and will see my room. I know I am only staying in that room temporarily.
I have been having a minor infection and is coughing and have been tired than usual. Still trying to find the balance toward work and spirituality--how not to be too sticky about work, but enough to sustain my livelyhood and spirituality.
Last night in the half sleep half awake state, all of a sudden I found that an older woman was sitting next to my bed looking at me. I kept looking at her to see who she is. She dressed in black, has shoulder length salty hair and a little chubby. She looked at me, and started to smile when she saw that I noticed her. I then realized that I do not know her, and that I am half awake half sleep.
Once I realized that, I rolled out of my bed and found myself falling through the floors and then into the ground. I normally like to float away or fly up, but it felt like I was pulled down and down
The next thing I know, it is another room where the feeling is like I just woke up from it. I got up from that bed and found that a side door was wide open the whole night. Outside was a deserted trail leading right to this door. I was surprised how and why this side door had been open the whole night. What a scary looking dark woods down that route. I quickly closed the door.
A guy with military uniform was cleaning my room but then he got interested in me. I told him I am still sick. Then I was going to take a shower. A few white uniformed nurses showed up and will see my room. I know I am only staying in that room temporarily.
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