How I got off track from the first time--the idea of "I"

All along I still had the idea of “I”. When there is an “I” there is a “non-I”.

When things go well, I am good. When things don’t go well, I am in trouble. “I” still have insecurity and fear. Why I got off track after 2 years is because the insecurity for my finances at the time. So I got busy working three jobs all of a sudden. This is how I lost my focus.It’s all because there is still an “I”

I have this awakening story. I have this joy and awe. I have these experiences. I felt on top of the world. I need to find a way to survive, now and when old age. I need a good job, and important job. I need to teach college to elevate my professional status. I need to teach two colleges in case one doesn’t work out and also to keep as few people in the field as possible to lessen completion. ….I, I, I, I, I…..

I need to care for “ I” –keep the ego alive, keep the image alive, keep the idea alive.What is it like if there is no “I”I have been there in the meditation. I feel there is only “being”, no “I”.

But how do I do it outside of meditation?Accept any non-I.

Accept it when I am not having a good meditation. Accept it when I can’t relax my body to get an OBE. Admit it when I am not being a good leader. Admit it when I am being so attached to the idea of being spiritual, healthy, caring… Admit it when I am insecure of my own old age. Accept it when I am not perfect now and before and from now on…..

Accept it. Accept everything. Forgive myself when I am not perfect and when I am not spiritual. Awake to being accepting, forgiving, admitting, believing….This is "being." There is no “I”