If we don't even notice we are breathing, what else are we missing?
Maybe our spiritual guide. Maybe a spirit trying to make contact. Maybe the Truth
Because the quality of our attention is only 30%
Once we pay full attention, we see the whole thing around us, that is and have always been here.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
032410 lucid dreaming
032410 This is a lucid dreaming last night
I was walking on the street and was passing by a few people boarding a bus. A guy and a woman was about to step on the bus when the woman’s high heel was stuck in the hole in a cover of a man hole. So the guy pulled the woman’s arm trying to get her out, while I pulled her other arm. The helping out seemed to get the energy in my body flowing.
Then the bus drove off a little further down, but someone else was still trying to catch the bus, so now the bus is in my way of where I was heading. So I was standing there waiting the bus to leave.
After the bus drove off, a totally different view appeared. A long road was now in front of me, stretching as far as I can see, full of white sand on it. So now I stood on the top of the slope, looking down this road. All of a sudden, a surge of energy developed in my body and I knew I want to fly.
So I ran very quickly down the road and then took off like a soaring superwoman. I was so excited and felt so strong with the surge of energy in me, knowing fully that I had just become lucid in the dream. Now I was in control. Two women walking on the road looked back at me soaring. I noticed their eyes glaring like cats at night. I soared over them and enjoyed the freedom and power.
I kept thinking where to go and at the same time scanned the landscape. I flew over a valley with a big empty river bad and mountain around it. I remember to look at my hand. It’s solid. It means that this is a lucid dream, not an OBE.
I wanted to go to my grandma’s farm. Right away, my grandma’s farm appeared in front of me. I didn’t see anyone in there. I flew around the house, the front yard, back yard, and neighborhood. It was after rain and everything looked so fresh, and sharp in colors. I miss this place.
As I was leaving the farm, I kept thinking where else I wanted to go. I kept flying and then started to feel sluggish and knew that I was waking up.
I woke up for about an hour and then went back to sleep again. This time, I was in a building with a group of people. Some people there were expecting me and also knew what I was lacking and was accommodating me and providing me with things I need. Then I went into this big library where everyone was free to express whatever creativity and emotions they have and everyone is expressing their inner world in the walkway of the library. Something happened here, but I don’t remember.
I was walking on the street and was passing by a few people boarding a bus. A guy and a woman was about to step on the bus when the woman’s high heel was stuck in the hole in a cover of a man hole. So the guy pulled the woman’s arm trying to get her out, while I pulled her other arm. The helping out seemed to get the energy in my body flowing.
Then the bus drove off a little further down, but someone else was still trying to catch the bus, so now the bus is in my way of where I was heading. So I was standing there waiting the bus to leave.
After the bus drove off, a totally different view appeared. A long road was now in front of me, stretching as far as I can see, full of white sand on it. So now I stood on the top of the slope, looking down this road. All of a sudden, a surge of energy developed in my body and I knew I want to fly.
So I ran very quickly down the road and then took off like a soaring superwoman. I was so excited and felt so strong with the surge of energy in me, knowing fully that I had just become lucid in the dream. Now I was in control. Two women walking on the road looked back at me soaring. I noticed their eyes glaring like cats at night. I soared over them and enjoyed the freedom and power.
I kept thinking where to go and at the same time scanned the landscape. I flew over a valley with a big empty river bad and mountain around it. I remember to look at my hand. It’s solid. It means that this is a lucid dream, not an OBE.
I wanted to go to my grandma’s farm. Right away, my grandma’s farm appeared in front of me. I didn’t see anyone in there. I flew around the house, the front yard, back yard, and neighborhood. It was after rain and everything looked so fresh, and sharp in colors. I miss this place.
As I was leaving the farm, I kept thinking where else I wanted to go. I kept flying and then started to feel sluggish and knew that I was waking up.
I woke up for about an hour and then went back to sleep again. This time, I was in a building with a group of people. Some people there were expecting me and also knew what I was lacking and was accommodating me and providing me with things I need. Then I went into this big library where everyone was free to express whatever creativity and emotions they have and everyone is expressing their inner world in the walkway of the library. Something happened here, but I don’t remember.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I am with the Truth
“I am with the Truth.”
Six years ago when I was at the bottom of my misery near the end of that relationship, what got me through was “I am with the Truth.”
Yes, I am left alone. Yes, he doesn’t want me. Yes, he and her are happy ever after. Yes, he is with her and I am all alone. Yes, he is so cruel. Yes, He doesn’t want me….
But I am with all the above. I am with the Truth. Where else do I want to be? Where else can I be?
Truth has been and always is here. That’s my resting place.
Six years ago when I was at the bottom of my misery near the end of that relationship, what got me through was “I am with the Truth.”
Yes, I am left alone. Yes, he doesn’t want me. Yes, he and her are happy ever after. Yes, he is with her and I am all alone. Yes, he is so cruel. Yes, He doesn’t want me….
But I am with all the above. I am with the Truth. Where else do I want to be? Where else can I be?
Truth has been and always is here. That’s my resting place.
I am a nobody, just like my cat
3/20 Mindfulness Conference
Attended a mindfulness conference last night and today. When I was about to leave, a woman waited me at the ATM to thank me saying that my experience was that I never got it before but then something happened to me and that’s when I got right into it. She said that’s the best thing she heard out of the whole conference.
Two weeks ago, I was in a 3 day work related training. A woman told me that there is something about what I said and my demeanor that’s really different. There is something very touching.
Last night, two things that I got out of were: The path toward health is kindness. This has been my greatest conclusion out of all the meditations I do.
The other thing was: If you said “Imagine trying to put your hand in that fire like her.” Usually people don’t go in to help that person out of the fire. If you said “try to feel what her hand is feeling in that fire.” This usually get people to get another person out of the fire right away.
Another great thing I found in one of the books was: Where you are strong is usually your weakness. Power sometimes is just the disguise of insecurity or low-self esteem.
Try to present yourself as nobody as possible. If I am so eager to tell people I am in power, try hide that information and just stay in that position of nobody. Try to have no opinion. Try to just observe, not engage.
Turn discomfort into an inquiry.
The decision I came to today is that I need to share what I experienced. I need to go to the insight meditation center.
Right now one challenge for me is if someone threatens the hard work I have around work. When I really ask myself, so why do you get so worked up if a phony person can shine more than she deserves. Besides the reason that I am angry that others got fooled by non truth, there definitely is a sense of insecurity. I am just so bothered by phoniness.
Am I in fear of phoniness? Do I maybe have phoniness as well?
Maybe I value what I achieved so much, that I think it to be wrong if someone falsely get more than what she works for or deserves.
It's all in the attachment to possession, when infact, we can't really possess anything.
Why not just feel that uncomfortable sensation that person feels when she she can be so insecure because she doesn't deserve all that credits. How uncomfortable it must be.
Truth will come out eventually. Truth is always here. Why do you take that on yourself, wanting to reveal the truth tot others?
When I walk in the woods, I ask these questions to the trees. I need to learn from the trees. Every tree is so tall. I don’t admire any tree more than the other. Some are taller than others. But in the scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter.
I need to honor each moment, good or bad. No one moment is better than the other.
My cat Sunny, what a gentle soul. He spent his lifetime doing just sleep, wake up, eat, poop, running around, day in and day out. And then one day, he is gone. Such a nobody, yet such a loving creature.
I am just like that. I am no different.
Attended a mindfulness conference last night and today. When I was about to leave, a woman waited me at the ATM to thank me saying that my experience was that I never got it before but then something happened to me and that’s when I got right into it. She said that’s the best thing she heard out of the whole conference.
Two weeks ago, I was in a 3 day work related training. A woman told me that there is something about what I said and my demeanor that’s really different. There is something very touching.
Last night, two things that I got out of were: The path toward health is kindness. This has been my greatest conclusion out of all the meditations I do.
The other thing was: If you said “Imagine trying to put your hand in that fire like her.” Usually people don’t go in to help that person out of the fire. If you said “try to feel what her hand is feeling in that fire.” This usually get people to get another person out of the fire right away.
Another great thing I found in one of the books was: Where you are strong is usually your weakness. Power sometimes is just the disguise of insecurity or low-self esteem.
Try to present yourself as nobody as possible. If I am so eager to tell people I am in power, try hide that information and just stay in that position of nobody. Try to have no opinion. Try to just observe, not engage.
Turn discomfort into an inquiry.
The decision I came to today is that I need to share what I experienced. I need to go to the insight meditation center.
Right now one challenge for me is if someone threatens the hard work I have around work. When I really ask myself, so why do you get so worked up if a phony person can shine more than she deserves. Besides the reason that I am angry that others got fooled by non truth, there definitely is a sense of insecurity. I am just so bothered by phoniness.
Am I in fear of phoniness? Do I maybe have phoniness as well?
Maybe I value what I achieved so much, that I think it to be wrong if someone falsely get more than what she works for or deserves.
It's all in the attachment to possession, when infact, we can't really possess anything.
Why not just feel that uncomfortable sensation that person feels when she she can be so insecure because she doesn't deserve all that credits. How uncomfortable it must be.
Truth will come out eventually. Truth is always here. Why do you take that on yourself, wanting to reveal the truth tot others?
When I walk in the woods, I ask these questions to the trees. I need to learn from the trees. Every tree is so tall. I don’t admire any tree more than the other. Some are taller than others. But in the scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter.
I need to honor each moment, good or bad. No one moment is better than the other.
My cat Sunny, what a gentle soul. He spent his lifetime doing just sleep, wake up, eat, poop, running around, day in and day out. And then one day, he is gone. Such a nobody, yet such a loving creature.
I am just like that. I am no different.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
2010 Leadership Shining Star Award
Last month, I received 2010 Leadership Shining Star Award among the 600-700 employees citywide, standing side by side with another veteran program director who is highly respected in the field. Considering myself being so new in my role in leadership, I feel extremely recognized and also congratulate myself for all my hard work and dedication.
It has never been a goal of mine to receive an award. I just do how things should be done. The focus is intense. The vision is clear. There is just so much energy and direction in me that I want to serve my people well, while also feeling very competent. Most of the time though, there is just no time to think or ponder.
There were sometimes sleepless nights, due to the constant flow of ideas and excitement.
Good words also flow around about me. Some original opposition and gossips decline over time.
The corrsponding growth/development of inner purpose and outer purpose seems to start to complement and shape each other.
It has never been a goal of mine to receive an award. I just do how things should be done. The focus is intense. The vision is clear. There is just so much energy and direction in me that I want to serve my people well, while also feeling very competent. Most of the time though, there is just no time to think or ponder.
There were sometimes sleepless nights, due to the constant flow of ideas and excitement.
Good words also flow around about me. Some original opposition and gossips decline over time.
The corrsponding growth/development of inner purpose and outer purpose seems to start to complement and shape each other.
two weepings
Weeping 030210
Last night during meditation before bed, I did each chakra and also golden light from the crown. Then first, there is a resistance in the way for me to be in touch of my bottom. While trying to reach down, I started to weep. The more I tremble, the more I cry. It totally started as a physical sensation and then snow ball. The physical sensation felt like sadness, but I was not even thinking about anything.
I had to weep and weep and there was so much sensation (that felt like sadness) coming up. I didn’t think I could stop it. When I said “let me” “allow me”, even more sensation came up, and the more violently I cried.
Weeping is common to me during meditation. But this time, it is much stronger and long lasting. Something kept coming from inside.
“Is there anything hidden that makes me this way?” “Am I craving for something?”
During the day yesterday, it was a all day 8-5 training away from work, talking about something that I feel really easy. Is this a wrong fit and forcefulness on myself, that’s why I had to release the stress?
I had a coffee in the morning and a tea in the afternoon. Is it making me sharper? But I have had days like this too.
This morning I woke up really early, but refresh. It is one of those days when I get up really early to meditate, feeling totally centered, alert.
There would be a tune already playing in me and I would not need to turn on music. It is from within.
Another weeping 030310
Last night before bed, I did the chakra, and then imagining golden oil from the crown. It didn’t go as quick as yesterday. But right away, I still had the weeping impulses. Then it just felt disconnected again.
I sat for a while, trying different things: am I pretending anything? Am I resisting anything? Am I doing anything? Let me. Allow this….
Still didn’t feel connected.
Finally, I asked myself so why don’t you just get into it. What are you waiting for….
I started to feel this sensation in the belly, the solar plexus.
It is clearly a soreness kind of sensation. It just felt like I wanted to cry. My facial muscle started to get tense. I tensed up my facial muscle and burst into tears. I beg myself to please just do this. Just let out…..I was like "I am begging you. Please….."
I felt the crying can’t stop. I went up to bed, then the crying get worse. I talked into my recorder. I was sobbing all the way through. So intense. So emotional. It was just surreal.
It dawn on me that maybe it’s because I am away from my usual routine and I am more free spirited. I don’t have a usual role to play. I am more like a no body. So the emotion is more free to flow.
I am just shocked that I can have such a powerful impact on myself, by not doing anything. It is really magical.
Last night during meditation before bed, I did each chakra and also golden light from the crown. Then first, there is a resistance in the way for me to be in touch of my bottom. While trying to reach down, I started to weep. The more I tremble, the more I cry. It totally started as a physical sensation and then snow ball. The physical sensation felt like sadness, but I was not even thinking about anything.
I had to weep and weep and there was so much sensation (that felt like sadness) coming up. I didn’t think I could stop it. When I said “let me” “allow me”, even more sensation came up, and the more violently I cried.
Weeping is common to me during meditation. But this time, it is much stronger and long lasting. Something kept coming from inside.
“Is there anything hidden that makes me this way?” “Am I craving for something?”
During the day yesterday, it was a all day 8-5 training away from work, talking about something that I feel really easy. Is this a wrong fit and forcefulness on myself, that’s why I had to release the stress?
I had a coffee in the morning and a tea in the afternoon. Is it making me sharper? But I have had days like this too.
This morning I woke up really early, but refresh. It is one of those days when I get up really early to meditate, feeling totally centered, alert.
There would be a tune already playing in me and I would not need to turn on music. It is from within.
Another weeping 030310
Last night before bed, I did the chakra, and then imagining golden oil from the crown. It didn’t go as quick as yesterday. But right away, I still had the weeping impulses. Then it just felt disconnected again.
I sat for a while, trying different things: am I pretending anything? Am I resisting anything? Am I doing anything? Let me. Allow this….
Still didn’t feel connected.
Finally, I asked myself so why don’t you just get into it. What are you waiting for….
I started to feel this sensation in the belly, the solar plexus.
It is clearly a soreness kind of sensation. It just felt like I wanted to cry. My facial muscle started to get tense. I tensed up my facial muscle and burst into tears. I beg myself to please just do this. Just let out…..I was like "I am begging you. Please….."
I felt the crying can’t stop. I went up to bed, then the crying get worse. I talked into my recorder. I was sobbing all the way through. So intense. So emotional. It was just surreal.
It dawn on me that maybe it’s because I am away from my usual routine and I am more free spirited. I don’t have a usual role to play. I am more like a no body. So the emotion is more free to flow.
I am just shocked that I can have such a powerful impact on myself, by not doing anything. It is really magical.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)