How I did it again

How do I know this is a come back? How do I know it happened again?


Yes, through meditation.


I found some long lost familiar symptoms in my meditation again. Once I have it in the meditation, I know it will menifest in real life.

1. Sustaining is the key. Often time, I got up before I go deeper. I told myself that “ I am here with you.” “Yes, I am here.” “Stay with me.” “Give me some time to do this” I wept, because I felt that someone care. I felt that I care about myself. This is something that’s missing for a long time now.

2. I told myself “ admit this” “this is this” “ What’s coming from inside” “ How do I feel” I need to say it loud repeatedly in my mind. Right away, I got the rocking of my body, meaning the energy got going strong. I think this means that this is the right mantra for the body resistence wanting to leave or get up.

3. This morning I direct my focus only to the inner feeling. “What is from inside?” “ Look at that smoky stuff.” “ What is this?” “ Connect with this inner stuff.” “Reconnect.” …

In the meantime, I also felt the resistance in my body though, like oh no here goes again. I can be standing up and start cooking breakfast. Then I will not be feeling the discomfort……I told myself “Admit this.” “Admit the resistance.” “Sustain”

I found that when I focus my attention to the inner world, I forget about the outside. None of the other distraction matters. Breathing becomes automatic. Inner energy starts to flow up. After a while, the energy seems to congregate to the stomach area. This is when I feel my physical body comes to a still, but not yet the inner energy. My body starts to rock by itself. Physically at this point, I am still. I feel still and centered.

4. The other thing that I found is that with 5 years ago when I had to be determined to leave my attachment to my relationship behind, that’s a force that keeps me going inward, because the opposite would be totally disappointing and painful. I had no choice but to turn inward. That’s like a propeller with full force.

5. These past few days I have found that the key is to sustain in the state of telling myself to be an observer. “ Let me do this.” “ Don’t tell me what to do.” “ Allow this.” When I really allow this, I can feel that there is an observer, watching the other part of me going around and around. At this moment, my body starts rocking. There is a strong energy start to flow that I starts to feel from inside and I can see it in front of my closed eyes

6. "Give me some time to do this."

" I have this in me."

" I am looking at this."

" I am with you."

Imagine I am doing a 10 day retreat. Imagine I am in the floating tank. There is nowhere to go.

"Give me some time to do this."

" Allow this."

"Let me."

Now I know what to do to do it again.