I remember in one of the episode of Hoarders on A & E, an old woman has made her own house a dumpster with piles and piles of stuff, trash, rotten food, and dead cats. Her daughter desperately wants to help her, but she often blames everyone else around her. Everything is always everybody else's fault. The daughter is sick and tired of being hurt and accused by her and the show is her last attempt of getting help for her mother.
As I watched the episode, I noticed a rocking chair this old woman often goes sit in, either to escape the argument with her daughter or to escape from the dumpster the house has turned into. I instantly know that this rocking chair can be one of the things that aid her denial.
The rocking just keeps her deeper and deeper into the denial. She rocks and rocks so that the discomfort of it all will not get to her, almost like she soothe herself with the rocking, so that she can continue to face the horrible condition of the house and the arguring with her daughter.
I have observed how easy we can be in denial about facing the truth in us in meditation. The discomfort when sitting is the metorphor of how uncomfortable she must feel in that house. However, we fidget and try different things to avoid being in the face of whatever we are trying to avoid. So we keep our thoughts, memory, emotions, sensations going, so that we don't need to face the truth that come up.
In fact, what we should do in meditation is to stay very still and let whatever comes up come up. Just focus. Just notice. Be brave. Do no try to fidget and move, in order to feel comfortable.
Usually in the beginning, we let it go and let the body rock and sway for a while. Then it will stop after the body has adjusted to its own position. This is the time when it's much easier to be still. Then start to observe and notice.
This is how we can notice and connect with our deeper level of inner energy.
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