From body to being

The more experience with meditation and yoga, the more sensitive we become toward our body awareness. Our body becomes something we go by to make decisions.

I am familiar with the state where every part of the body is relaxed. Whenever I am stressed, I would go back to my body trying to find out which part is tense. Then I would tell myself to imagine ample blood flow or energy flow flood through every part of my body. I instantly become energized.

This is not something I am very aware of during my first awakening. During the first time, my energy was so strong that I was emersed in strong flow all day long. The profound change took place, but it happened due to a sudden loss of self. It wasn't something I could control. After the whole thing die down in two years, I had no idea how to get back in there.


This time around, I traced back little by little and got to know my body and my mind separately. I found that in order to get in touch with the mind, the body plays the major role.

After a long stressful work day, I would cearly be aware of my tense body. The tension is not easy to get over. I sesnse this tension staying with me until I sit down to meditate.

Right away, I would relax my body and still sense the anxiety in me, body and mind mismatched, an uncomfortable feeling. The self inquiring questtion comes to me automatically " Can I handle this?" "Am I pretending anything?" "How does this feel?" "Let me just do this." "What's that inside?" "What happens when I don't do anything?" "What happens when I let it happens inside?"

At the turn of from tense to relax, anxious to calm, pretentious to real, in both body and mind, something in me seems to flow, and I always sob at this juncture, from a full blown weeping, to just a crying sensation.

Then this feeling of being in touch would appear. Not yet ultimate, because the body memory of uncomforableness will still be there for a while, until the new energy wash everything away.

Then the energy shakes and rocks the body, until it stops.

This is when the energy keeps coming and coming, a totally different being emerges.

This usually brings on a very restful sleep afterwards and very clear, long dream.