Last month, I received 2010 Leadership Shining Star Award among the 600-700 employees citywide, standing side by side with another veteran program director who is highly respected in the field. Considering myself being so new in my role in leadership, I feel extremely recognized and also congratulate myself for all my hard work and dedication.
It has never been a goal of mine to receive an award. I just do how things should be done. The focus is intense. The vision is clear. There is just so much energy and direction in me that I want to serve my people well, while also feeling very competent. Most of the time though, there is just no time to think or ponder.
There were sometimes sleepless nights, due to the constant flow of ideas and excitement.
Good words also flow around about me. Some original opposition and gossips decline over time.
The corrsponding growth/development of inner purpose and outer purpose seems to start to complement and shape each other.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
two weepings
Weeping 030210
Last night during meditation before bed, I did each chakra and also golden light from the crown. Then first, there is a resistance in the way for me to be in touch of my bottom. While trying to reach down, I started to weep. The more I tremble, the more I cry. It totally started as a physical sensation and then snow ball. The physical sensation felt like sadness, but I was not even thinking about anything.
I had to weep and weep and there was so much sensation (that felt like sadness) coming up. I didn’t think I could stop it. When I said “let me” “allow me”, even more sensation came up, and the more violently I cried.
Weeping is common to me during meditation. But this time, it is much stronger and long lasting. Something kept coming from inside.
“Is there anything hidden that makes me this way?” “Am I craving for something?”
During the day yesterday, it was a all day 8-5 training away from work, talking about something that I feel really easy. Is this a wrong fit and forcefulness on myself, that’s why I had to release the stress?
I had a coffee in the morning and a tea in the afternoon. Is it making me sharper? But I have had days like this too.
This morning I woke up really early, but refresh. It is one of those days when I get up really early to meditate, feeling totally centered, alert.
There would be a tune already playing in me and I would not need to turn on music. It is from within.
Another weeping 030310
Last night before bed, I did the chakra, and then imagining golden oil from the crown. It didn’t go as quick as yesterday. But right away, I still had the weeping impulses. Then it just felt disconnected again.
I sat for a while, trying different things: am I pretending anything? Am I resisting anything? Am I doing anything? Let me. Allow this….
Still didn’t feel connected.
Finally, I asked myself so why don’t you just get into it. What are you waiting for….
I started to feel this sensation in the belly, the solar plexus.
It is clearly a soreness kind of sensation. It just felt like I wanted to cry. My facial muscle started to get tense. I tensed up my facial muscle and burst into tears. I beg myself to please just do this. Just let out…..I was like "I am begging you. Please….."
I felt the crying can’t stop. I went up to bed, then the crying get worse. I talked into my recorder. I was sobbing all the way through. So intense. So emotional. It was just surreal.
It dawn on me that maybe it’s because I am away from my usual routine and I am more free spirited. I don’t have a usual role to play. I am more like a no body. So the emotion is more free to flow.
I am just shocked that I can have such a powerful impact on myself, by not doing anything. It is really magical.
Last night during meditation before bed, I did each chakra and also golden light from the crown. Then first, there is a resistance in the way for me to be in touch of my bottom. While trying to reach down, I started to weep. The more I tremble, the more I cry. It totally started as a physical sensation and then snow ball. The physical sensation felt like sadness, but I was not even thinking about anything.
I had to weep and weep and there was so much sensation (that felt like sadness) coming up. I didn’t think I could stop it. When I said “let me” “allow me”, even more sensation came up, and the more violently I cried.
Weeping is common to me during meditation. But this time, it is much stronger and long lasting. Something kept coming from inside.
“Is there anything hidden that makes me this way?” “Am I craving for something?”
During the day yesterday, it was a all day 8-5 training away from work, talking about something that I feel really easy. Is this a wrong fit and forcefulness on myself, that’s why I had to release the stress?
I had a coffee in the morning and a tea in the afternoon. Is it making me sharper? But I have had days like this too.
This morning I woke up really early, but refresh. It is one of those days when I get up really early to meditate, feeling totally centered, alert.
There would be a tune already playing in me and I would not need to turn on music. It is from within.
Another weeping 030310
Last night before bed, I did the chakra, and then imagining golden oil from the crown. It didn’t go as quick as yesterday. But right away, I still had the weeping impulses. Then it just felt disconnected again.
I sat for a while, trying different things: am I pretending anything? Am I resisting anything? Am I doing anything? Let me. Allow this….
Still didn’t feel connected.
Finally, I asked myself so why don’t you just get into it. What are you waiting for….
I started to feel this sensation in the belly, the solar plexus.
It is clearly a soreness kind of sensation. It just felt like I wanted to cry. My facial muscle started to get tense. I tensed up my facial muscle and burst into tears. I beg myself to please just do this. Just let out…..I was like "I am begging you. Please….."
I felt the crying can’t stop. I went up to bed, then the crying get worse. I talked into my recorder. I was sobbing all the way through. So intense. So emotional. It was just surreal.
It dawn on me that maybe it’s because I am away from my usual routine and I am more free spirited. I don’t have a usual role to play. I am more like a no body. So the emotion is more free to flow.
I am just shocked that I can have such a powerful impact on myself, by not doing anything. It is really magical.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Benefit of meditation
Brain images show that there is a decreased activity in the parietal lobe. This area of the brain is responsible for giving us a sense of our orientation in space and time. Blocking all sensory and cognitive input into this area during meditation results in the sense of no space and no time. (This is why we feel there is no space and time during meditation.)
A study found that people who had been meditating for more than five years were physiologically 12 to 15 years younger than non-meditators.
Meditation decreases oxygen consumption, heart rate, respiratory rate, and blood pressure, and increase the intensity of alpha, theta, and delta brain waves--the opposite of the physiological changes that occur during stress.
Improved mental abilities: Increased intelligence, increased creativity, improved learning ability, improved memory, improved reaction time, higher levels of moral reasoning, improved academic achievement, greater orderliness of brain functioning, increased self-actualization.
Improved Health: Reduced stress and anxiety, reduced hospitalization, reduced incidence of disease, reduced need for out-patient medical care, reduced health care costs, reduce use of alcohol and drugs, improved cardiovascular health, reduced physical complaints, increased longevity Improved social behavior: improved self-confidence, reduced anxiety, improved family life, improved relationships at home and at work, increased tolerance, improved job performance, increased job satisfaction
Meditation found to increase brain size---Researchers at Harvard, Yale, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have found the first evidence that meditation can alter the physical structure of our brains. Brain scans they conducted reveal that experienced meditators boasted increased thickness in parts of the brain that deal with attention and processing sensory input.The increased thickness of gray matter is not very much, 4 to 8 thousandths of an inch. "These increases are proportional to the time a person has been meditating during their lives," Lazar notes. "This suggests that the thickness differences are acquired through extensive practice and not simply due to differences between meditators and nonmeditators
Meditation build up the brain Meditation may bolster brain activity ---Buddhist monks who spent years in meditation training show significantly greater brain activity in areas associated with learning and happiness than those who have never practiced meditation. They had a higher level of this sort of gamma wave activity before they began meditation and this difference increased dramatically during meditation. The extremely high levels of gamma wave activity are the highest ever reported.
Buddhists really are happier.
Meditation balance the body's system ---Meditation produces long-lasting changes in the brain activity in areas involved in attention, working memory, learning, and conscious perception
Research on stress and meditation Meditator's brain shows a pronounced shift toward the left frontal lobe. People who are habitually calm an happy typical show greater activity in this area. Meditator has higher levels of certain immune cells.
Meditation is involved in the global coordination of brain activity and could induce both short-term and long-term change in the brain. Long term meditation practice changes the baseline state of the brain.
Meditation is shown to reduce risk factors for heart disease such as high blood pressure, stress and smoking. Comparing with other techniques, the Transcendental meditation group had a 23% decrease in deaths from all causes, a 30% reduction in cardiovascular disease deaths, and a 49% reduction in the rate of death from cancer During meditation, the monks in the study was able to raise the temperature of their fingers and toes by 17 degrees, three monks could lower their metabolism by 64%
Meditators over 6-9 months showed a marked decrease in the thickness of their artery walls.
A study found that people who had been meditating for more than five years were physiologically 12 to 15 years younger than non-meditators.
Meditation decreases oxygen consumption, heart rate, respiratory rate, and blood pressure, and increase the intensity of alpha, theta, and delta brain waves--the opposite of the physiological changes that occur during stress.
Improved mental abilities: Increased intelligence, increased creativity, improved learning ability, improved memory, improved reaction time, higher levels of moral reasoning, improved academic achievement, greater orderliness of brain functioning, increased self-actualization.
Improved Health: Reduced stress and anxiety, reduced hospitalization, reduced incidence of disease, reduced need for out-patient medical care, reduced health care costs, reduce use of alcohol and drugs, improved cardiovascular health, reduced physical complaints, increased longevity Improved social behavior: improved self-confidence, reduced anxiety, improved family life, improved relationships at home and at work, increased tolerance, improved job performance, increased job satisfaction
Meditation found to increase brain size---Researchers at Harvard, Yale, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have found the first evidence that meditation can alter the physical structure of our brains. Brain scans they conducted reveal that experienced meditators boasted increased thickness in parts of the brain that deal with attention and processing sensory input.The increased thickness of gray matter is not very much, 4 to 8 thousandths of an inch. "These increases are proportional to the time a person has been meditating during their lives," Lazar notes. "This suggests that the thickness differences are acquired through extensive practice and not simply due to differences between meditators and nonmeditators
Meditation build up the brain Meditation may bolster brain activity ---Buddhist monks who spent years in meditation training show significantly greater brain activity in areas associated with learning and happiness than those who have never practiced meditation. They had a higher level of this sort of gamma wave activity before they began meditation and this difference increased dramatically during meditation. The extremely high levels of gamma wave activity are the highest ever reported.
Buddhists really are happier.
Meditation balance the body's system ---Meditation produces long-lasting changes in the brain activity in areas involved in attention, working memory, learning, and conscious perception
Research on stress and meditation Meditator's brain shows a pronounced shift toward the left frontal lobe. People who are habitually calm an happy typical show greater activity in this area. Meditator has higher levels of certain immune cells.
Meditation is involved in the global coordination of brain activity and could induce both short-term and long-term change in the brain. Long term meditation practice changes the baseline state of the brain.
Meditation is shown to reduce risk factors for heart disease such as high blood pressure, stress and smoking. Comparing with other techniques, the Transcendental meditation group had a 23% decrease in deaths from all causes, a 30% reduction in cardiovascular disease deaths, and a 49% reduction in the rate of death from cancer During meditation, the monks in the study was able to raise the temperature of their fingers and toes by 17 degrees, three monks could lower their metabolism by 64%
Meditators over 6-9 months showed a marked decrease in the thickness of their artery walls.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The natural progression of enery work
Some phenomenon have puzzled me for a while:
1. When I heavily did meditation that lasted for over an hour a couple of years ago, my OBE and lucid dreams were not as frequent.
2. My OBE and lucid dreams is most frequent when I do chakra work plus meditation.
3. Ever since I started doing Yoga regularly a year ago, I found that the frequency of my OBE and lucid dreaming reduced.
4. Then I really really crave to go into nature and to walk in the woods. I have started the natural walk every weekend. Strangely, my recurrent dream of a hiking trails stop. In the dream, the hiking trails form a folk with one trail joins the other. This is exactly the case with the hiking place I go to every weekend now. It is as if I am having pre-cognitive dream.
The progression from doing meditation, to craving for learning to do chakra work, to craving for doing yoga, and then to nature walk, is not something I can control. It happened naturally from within. I would be meditating or going about my daily routines, and then feel like doing some difficult yoga posts. And now, I have to go into nature every chance I get. There is no substitution.
I decided that the adding of yoga and nature walk are something that my body tells me it needs and I just went with it. Although OBE is reduced a bit, maybe that's not a bad thing. :D
1. When I heavily did meditation that lasted for over an hour a couple of years ago, my OBE and lucid dreams were not as frequent.
2. My OBE and lucid dreams is most frequent when I do chakra work plus meditation.
3. Ever since I started doing Yoga regularly a year ago, I found that the frequency of my OBE and lucid dreaming reduced.
4. Then I really really crave to go into nature and to walk in the woods. I have started the natural walk every weekend. Strangely, my recurrent dream of a hiking trails stop. In the dream, the hiking trails form a folk with one trail joins the other. This is exactly the case with the hiking place I go to every weekend now. It is as if I am having pre-cognitive dream.
The progression from doing meditation, to craving for learning to do chakra work, to craving for doing yoga, and then to nature walk, is not something I can control. It happened naturally from within. I would be meditating or going about my daily routines, and then feel like doing some difficult yoga posts. And now, I have to go into nature every chance I get. There is no substitution.
I decided that the adding of yoga and nature walk are something that my body tells me it needs and I just went with it. Although OBE is reduced a bit, maybe that's not a bad thing. :D
Saturday, February 13, 2010
021310 twilight zone?
2/13/10
I just finished hosting a luncheon where 4 legislators came to speak. It was quiet an experience for me and for my program.
Next week I am going to facilitate a workshop in a citywide event.
A lot is going on at work, I am also recovering from a cold, feeling like no time mindful to be in touch with my inner self for a while.
Last night I seemed to come to a place with a few others. It is a big field, but also with hills. I have forgot most of the details. But there definitely something strange about things and people around me. I remember that these others were on track following a guide high on the top of the hill. I was on that top originally and was walking along. Then I was at the bottom of the hill and was instructed by another guide to climb onto a net, in order to get on the track where others are proceeding toward somewhere.
At one point, the guide was either correcting or instructing me how to throw something or hit a target.
At the end, I was walking in the field with another mate there. I was expressing to this person this place feels strange. All of a sudden a thought appeared and I burst out to say "this probably is the twilight zone." The person seemed to agree but didnt's say anything. Then I either woke up or forgot what happened next.
I just finished hosting a luncheon where 4 legislators came to speak. It was quiet an experience for me and for my program.
Next week I am going to facilitate a workshop in a citywide event.
A lot is going on at work, I am also recovering from a cold, feeling like no time mindful to be in touch with my inner self for a while.
Last night I seemed to come to a place with a few others. It is a big field, but also with hills. I have forgot most of the details. But there definitely something strange about things and people around me. I remember that these others were on track following a guide high on the top of the hill. I was on that top originally and was walking along. Then I was at the bottom of the hill and was instructed by another guide to climb onto a net, in order to get on the track where others are proceeding toward somewhere.
At one point, the guide was either correcting or instructing me how to throw something or hit a target.
At the end, I was walking in the field with another mate there. I was expressing to this person this place feels strange. All of a sudden a thought appeared and I burst out to say "this probably is the twilight zone." The person seemed to agree but didnt's say anything. Then I either woke up or forgot what happened next.
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